Dear Microsoft;

I do not appreciate the irrelevant changes you’ve made to Office that belligerently destroys all things familiar to the user (as is par with you considering every other known version of Office). I was hoping that you would learn from your mistakes and stick with an interface that users could recognize instead of implementing wholly new half-baked ideas that leave everyone lost and groping for concepts like “Save As.”

Further, Vista (and Windows 7 by extension) are illegitimate brain-children and should be discontinued for the bellicose and knavish offspring that they are. We all know you’re trying to look better, but stealing visualizations and throwing former resemblances into the wind only make you look as foolish as you are disparate.

How about concentrating your energy in something that works before you make it look pretty? Function before form. American marketing has proven you can sell anything to anyone. And I’m sure that your 1 billion pc users are well on that trail of actualization no matter how many times they see Jerry Sinfeild making Bill Gates wag his fanny on camera. Perhaps if you had something worth buying, the internet community would stop wasting their time pirating you to get your services for free.

Thank you,
Raul

Dear Apple;

I don’t think anyone has had the guts to tell you this, because you are so wonderful and gracious to us peons, but… $700 is entirely too much for a phone! Further, price-cuts to your other products will not make it easier to sneak a $700 price tag under our noses. It’s to a point that I’m not entirely sure what market you are playing for, and it is really starting to show that you think we are dumb.

For example: the lovely OS 3.o software you just released for all iPhones. I have to tell you I am terribly disappointed in you for not including some of the other special features that should have come with it. How hard is it, oh masters of meticulousness, to include voice commands into a phone with a pre-existing microphone? Hmm? Or could you explain to me how I may use MMS (as wonderful as it is) if your carrier doesn’t even support it yet?

Which reminds me. Your choice in friends is also questionable. AT&T is ruining it for you, and you know it. I’m not entirely sure what backdoor-schemes you’ve been forging in your off-time but you should really reconsider bringing more people into your elite posse. Like T-Mobile. Or some other carrier that, you know… Works. Or at least a carrier that actually provides the services that you’ve been advertising.

Thank you,
Raul

Okay, so my last post was really long. I’ll try to keep things shorter, I promise.

I got a second phone call from my old publisher asking me if I wanted to stay. Seriously? Because I hadn’t made it clear before. This time, the conversation didn’t last long. I said no, and informed her where to send the check. Period.

What I wanted to say “wow” about was the new iPhone. No–not to its many new and nifty features; I just wanted to say wow that the 32 GB iPhone is

$699 for a phone. A phone people. I love Apple, but not that much.

Ugh… At least AT&T has a deal for those of us at the end of our contracts.

I got a note from the property manager about a “parking situation” that had developed between myself and a neighbor at the apartment complex. They, evidently, complained to Adam The Manager that I clearly had no regard to their concerns in lieu of their inability to park.

As is now, my caliber is parked in front of my roommate’s motorcycle which is, in turn, chained to the post supporting the covered stalls. It was put there because some moron failed in their attempt to steal it (and destroyed the ignition in the process). Thus my car is acting as a sort of barrier between the bike and certain doom. A self-importance thing, I’m sure you can understand.

Because of this parking situation, my caliber sticks out of the stall equal to the width of the bike. 1.5 feet, max? Thus causing aforementioned neighbor to try extra hard to park in their stall at the very end of the complex. Evidently, my problem.

As I was told many times by the neighbor in my conversation to find resolution, Hawaii is a no-fault state. So if she hits my car, I have to pay for it. Conversely, if she hits my car, she’ll have to pay for hers.

—
And it pains me to admit this: when told that fact three times, the only thought that ran though my head was “And?” I mean really. The most logical conclusion would be, “Then don’t hit my car.”

Then, of course, if you wanted to get into it then we can get into a demolition durby and find out who cares about their car the most. I also admit that particular thought brought me much personal enjoyment. My ding can very easily equal your lack of a side mirror. Which would probably turn into a door-shaped dent on my passenger side… which equates (in case you were wondering) to fender benders on both the front and rear of your vehicle where I proceed to back into you and the car being sandwiched between my bumper and the support beam I mentioned 4 paragraphs ago. Of course, this is if I don’t decide to push it on down the embankment into your house.

No-fault, right?

… I digress.
—

She kept referring to my facial expression in which she described as “pissed.” Which, although not too far from the truth, was entirely without merit. She’s telling me she can’t park. What do you want me to do about it? Yes, I have a second stall out in the open where the bike was psudo-stolen. Pinned between the guest stalls and said neighbor’s monstrosity known as a Pathfinder.

I’m willing to let her have this round, but if I have to squeeze into my car every morning, then there will be a *real* “parking situation” for the property manager to deal with.